Gosh is it that time of year again already? Jolly heck we’d better get on and sort out the Christmas gifts for our staff! Drawing a blank in the seasonal inspiration department? Panic not – here are my 9 top gift ideas. You’re welcome
Oh come on, what’s not to like about your manager giving you a small box of cheap chocolates? The same small box he/she’s given to every other employee every year since time began. No matter that the chocolate is so old it’s got fur on it, it’s the thought that counts. No, really it is
A small pot of honey for each employee – what could be nicer? Forget the chocolate idea, that’s full of calories and is bad for your teeth. Just like honey really. Still, it’s clearly more healthy than chocolate in some way I don’t understand – and that furry bit on top? That’s meant to be there (I think)
So you’re going to reward your employees with a Christmas party. How very retro. What were you thinking? Anyway, we’ve now got to choose the wine. Some like Red, some like White. Nobody really likes Rose, so let’s go for that. Remember only serve a thimble full, nice and warm, in a dirty glass. Job done
Ok, money’s too tight to mention so let’s give a gift that doesn’t cost a penny. How about getting your staff together for a ‘thanks for nothing’ type speech? Something like
‘Thanks for your efforts this year, now let’s pull our socks up and get some real results next year’ or
‘Thanks for what you’ve done this year. Big challenges next year so you’re going to need to up your game’
See what I’ve done there? Some bland praise followed by some, not very subtle, criticism. You think I’ve made these examples up? I only wish I had
Now I know nobody’s given scented soap as a gift since great aunt Mabel passed away but so what? Not only will a nice bar of ‘old lady lavender’ delight your employees – especially those picky youngsters as they’ll never have seen hard soap before – but it will also save you having to have a chat with Eric from accounts about his rather cavalier approach to personal hygiene. Double whammy!
Yeah, the sparkly, glittery, highly flammable stuff that looks vaguely like ice. Buy cheap and buy lots. You can trim anything; computers, chairs, ceiling lights, that employee who’s been slumped (unmoving) over the photocopier for the last 3 months. Decorate the whole office for less than the price of a coffee and show your employees just how much you value them. Result!
No, no wait – don’t be grumpy. I don’t mean real money. I mean chocolate money, the type that we in the UK give to kids at Christmas (chocolate disks covered in foil to look, vaguely, like coins). Here’s how it works. You call your employees together and say something like
‘Good news! I’ve got a Christmas bonus for you!’
Then wait for their incredulity to wear off and their eyes to light up before – tada! – with a great flourish you give them all a bag of chocolate coin money. They’ll laugh and laugh. Honestly
Show your employees you care about their wellbeing! How about a small bottle of Ylang Ylang to relax that uptight overachiever? Or Lemon to invigorate that laid back under performer? OK I know they cost a lot so how about buying a gallon of cooking oil then squirting in some lavender scent. A small (unlabeled) bottle for each employee. Nice. NB!! Do not under any circumstances offer to rub the oil on to employee. We want chilled out, grateful employees – not a lawsuit
Well here’s a random thought. How about you give your employees for Christmas that will make their working lives more pleasurable and satisfying in the year ahead? You know – things like
Or how about
Or blimey how about some
Satisfaction? (err job satisfaction I mean)
No? OK not problem; just an idea!